The theory behind the investment model is that we stay in relationships because of a mix of a) satisfaction b) alternatives and c) investment.
But where does love fit. Arguably it could fit in the investment category: we have a capacity and need to love and we invest this in our relationships with others. But perhaps love is more than an investment. Perhaps love is an ideal, that exists in our imagination. Perhaps love is something unique for each individual, and independent from our relationships. It exists in theory only, and although we might love someone and be in a relationship with them this practical application of love falls short of our unique ideal of love, the one that exists in our minds.
Is there is a difference between practical love (ie investment) and idealised love (ie what exists in our minds). Perhaps the investment model does not reflect the resilience of our internalised, fantastical, ideal view of love. If we have this ideal in mind it might affect our vision, like those rose tinted glasses, and fool our rational mind into believing the relationship really is worth maintaining despite any lack of satisfaction, wealth of alternatives and investment.
Does our culture force us to have an unrealistic view of love? From a young age we (especially girls) are told fairy tales with happy endings where prince charming always recuses the princess, or were true love can destroy an evil curse. Then it doesn’t change much as we get older. As teens we read magazines that have quizzes on “how to find the perfect man” or “is it love or lust” etc etc. In a lot of movies there are also unrealistic portrayals of love that tend to end with a kiss and then the credits appear. But what happens after the credits? How does love fit into the relationship? In terms of the investment model it seems that you do not need love to have and maintain a good relationship. But is that what we want, or has our culture turned us into love craving monsters who are searching for our one true love or soul mate?......
2 comments:
Hey Josie,
I just read your blog, very nice, however, I pondered over it when I was at work, and your question was where does love fit in the relationship equation.
I thought, maybe it is a by-product of the investment, satisfaction and alternatives. I mean, maybe when those three factors are balanced, or in the higher spectrum (e.g, high satisfaction, a happy investment and happy with alternatives) then love blossoms.
Whilst I like this explanation, I also wonder, if this explanation is correct, how would this exaplin why women/men in abusive relationships continue to stay and profess their love for their partner? I can't see how too many people would be satisfied in an abusive relationship, yet they say they still love their partner.
Well, perhaps I havent been too helpful, just a little brainstorming on my part, but a very good and interesting question raised by you.
-Em
Hi Josie,
I thought your post and quiz on love were very interesting. In regards to the quiz i did answer that love develops over time however i think it depends on the type of love, are we talking romantic love? because some love (like love for your child or a pet for example) occur at first sight! And despite thinking that love develops over time i still think many aspects of love are unexplainable!
I have to agree that its hard not to have an idealised and unrealistic view of love. from when we are little we are taught about love from television shows, movies and stories! i mean how many of us got married on the play ground in primary school?! I think we develope this narrow perception of what constitutes love and then we are more critical when we are are 'in love' for example saying things like 'he wouldnt have done that if he loved me' etc. love has so much to live up to!!
Also, love is so hard to define! You hear people talk about soul mates, that one true love, but how can that be real!!?? Does that mean that if a relationship end you never really loved that person?
How can we be more realistic about love?
In regards to emdeegs post: In the text book it talks about people staying in abusive relationships as a result of having invested so much into the relationship and also not thinking they have any alternative options. So when you apply this to many women in abusive relationships you can start to understand why they might no have left.. or ever leave.
Good luck on your second blog josie!!
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